Never say Never Ever
by fork-spoon-spork
Summary: It didn't matter that he physically couldn't. The day Rose Tyler died, so did part of Jack Harkness.


Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, or Torchwood.

Summary: After the disaster at Canary Wharf, Jack has the unpleasant sensation of loosing three people at once, one of which was very dear to him. A short drabble of how Jack reacts to Rose's 'death'.

IMPORTANT: right, i've gone and screwed up and my mind apparently was wandering elsewhere when I wrote this crappy thing last night at three in the morning. So, Gwen wasn't around when this was all happening, neither was Ianto, supposedly? yes. well, I'm either going to revamp this thing when I get time, which would be sometime tonight (i'll try to keep it before three am) or i'll just take it off and sulk like a five year old... :D  
that last bit seems funner. more fun? yeah. I might give it a shot and just re-do it or something. really the only thing I wanted out of this was Jack finding out that Rose was 'dead' and his team getting a small reminder that Jack had been around longer than any of them and around to more places than they could imagine.. soooo. yeah. that would be it. Revamp, or abandonment and removal depending on my mood. Aside from that, you can either a.) ignore the mistakes and enjoy jack in all his distraught-ness, or you can b.) get pissed and stop reading it... and just not read it.

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Today of all days Ianto just _had_ to 'loose' all the rum in the entire base. It figured, really. 365 days in a year, and all those years to choose from, and the day that Canary Wharf implodes with Daleks and Cybermen all the rum decides to take a stroll into the safe, locked securely with three different pass-codes, none of which were in the possession of Jack. Not that he'd risk Ianto's wrath if he did attempt to break in. Really, though- three days after the incident and the rum still hadn't returned from it's little vacation. Personally, Jack thought this was a bit extreme, but who was he to contest the ever immovable Ianto?

Striding into the main hub with his usual swagger, Jack said a silent thank you to anyone and anything listening that none of his crew had been in the building or in the near vicinity when it had been overrun, and the Cybermen that had appeared in Cardiff either hadn't been around long enough to get into the base, or hadn't been able to find it. Either way, no matter his newfound respect for the security systems, they would have to be upgraded incase of another incident such as this one.

Unsurprisingly, Tosh sat at her usual desk, totally immersed in her little grouping of computer screens, monitoring the energy levels of downtown London. Even though it appeared that Torchwood had ceased their little 'ghost' trick, better safe than sorry. Definitely better. Infinitely better, really. Jack was pretty sure Cyber-Jack wouldn't look nearly as dashing in a WWII coat as the real deal.

Now, though. It was that time again, such as there was after every incident where casualties had ensued. It was time to check the list of the deceased. As captain, and head of his little crew, Jack took the responsibility upon himself, and usually these nights would find him alone in his rooms, drinking himself under the table, grieving for all those lost. It would figure that given three days, the local government had used the time to compile a whole file cabinet drawer of list.

"Right, Tosh, I'll take the list… You guys can just finish up whatever you're working on and then head home for the night if you want." With that, Jack hefted the box handed to him by Tosh higher into his arms, and made his way over to the staircase, where he situated himself with his back up against the wall, and popped the lid off the box. Taking out the first few pages, he found that they were alphabetized. Sighing, he knew that tonight would be all the rougher without the usual bottle or four of whisky to rely on. Right… the A's…

Abott, Lucille

Albertson, John

Albertson, Ginny

Anderson, Becky

Baker, Hannah

Bordill, James

Bordill, Sarah

And the list went on… and on… It seemed there was no end, just a long, never ending story of A's and B's, C's, D's, H's, L's, T's.. wait. T's?

Jack froze. No.. No! "NO!! No! No! No… no… Dammit! Dammit all to Hell!"

Needless to say, Gwen, Owen, Tosh and Ianto looked up in surprise. They had heard that anguish before, usually when an innocent bystander got clawed to death by a Weevil or something equally horrible. Looking at his face, though… They had only ever seen Jack in such emotional pain once, and that had been when they discovered Estelle's body outside her house, drowned to death by the Faeries she so loved. Cautiously, Gwen made her way over, gently touching the shoulder of the huddled man before her, her heart breaking at the sound of his muffled sobs, and they way he just kept rocking back, and forwards, back, and forewards again. In her heart she knew that someone Jack loved must have died in the accident. Who did he know that worked for Torchwood in London though?

"Jack… Are you alright? Did someone… Was someone you know kil-" Before Gwen had a chance to finish, though, Jack flew sitting up straight again, nearly knocking the box off the stairs in his haste to get lower into the pile. They could all hear him muttering under his breath

"S…S… Sa, no Sh… no… Sma… smi… Smith… no. no, no, no! Dammit how could this happen?"

Jack jumped up, leaping off the stair railing and sprinting over to Tosh's station, ignoring the pain in his legs.

"Tosh! Are you absolutely sure that this list is correct? I need you to run some names through the system for me, ok? Someone must have.. Someone must have screwed up. They must have. Look up Jackie Tyler for me, ok?"

After giving Jack one last look of shock, Tosh turned hurriedly back to her computer screen, and typed in the name. A mere moment later files started popping up, Photos, Addresses, Phone numbers, Birth Certificate, Death Certificate…" At the last one, though, Jack seemed to age years before their very eyes. His shoulders slumped, and in a quieter voice, almost dead sounding, he whispered, "Rose… Look up Rose Tyler. She wouldn't have left her mother…"

Just looking at Jack's dead eyes made Tosh want to cry herself. In a quiet voice, she tried to reason with Jack "Jack… I'm so sorry… but if she was in that building… She can't have survived… Nobody did. I'm sorry but there's nothi-" Jack hadn't taken his eyes from the screen however, and snapped back "Just look, alright? Just... Please. I need to know that she's alright. Just… Just look, please." Tears for Jack welling up in her eyes, Tosh turned back to the keyboard and slowly tapped in the name R,O,S,E, space, T,Y,L,E,R.

A strangled sob emanated from behind her as photos began popping up, a happy looking blonde child, smiling proudly in her middle school photo, a teenage girl, beaming at the camera with so much life reflected in her eyes. Report Cards, birth certificate, here Tosh felt her heart truly break on Jack's behalf at the sheer sorrow in his cry as the death certificate popped up moments later. "Jack… Jack oh I'm so sorry dear… Jack? Jack there's nothing you can do! Jack! Come back!" there was nothing Gwen could do to call Jack back though as he sprinted out of the base at an inhuman speed. Before any of them could react, he was gone.

A minute passed, then another, and after they had all finished passing around shocked and saddened looks, they all found themselves clustered around the screen with Tosh squished in the middle.

Eventually it was Owen who broke the silence, asking "Right, Tosh. Who was this Rose Tyler? How does Jack know her?"

"I… dunno. It doesn't say, there's no mention of Jack ever being a part of her life… wait… there! Rose Tyler, went missing only to show up again one year later without any idea that she had been gone that long. Boyfriend was questioned, but wouldn't say where she had gone. She kind of just dropped off the grid after that… It's like she just… disappeared. Do you think she was taken by Aliens or something?"

In the end though, it was all they could do to simply offer their support to Jack over the next few days. All the life seemed to have just left him, which scared them definitely since Jack seemed to have a never ending supply of life.

A week later, after capturing another rogue weevil on the waterfront, Gwen found herself sitting on a rock, just looking at Jack, splayed out under a tree staring at the stars above. The man before her seemed so different from the Captain Jack Harkness she had grown so attached to…

In Gwen's mind, all that was holding Jack back from dying of heart break and sorrow was his inability to die. How ironic that the woman to keep him alive forever would be the one to kill him in every way but physical death. Not that Gwen knew this, of course.

Hours later, when he still hadn't moved, Gwen stood up, stretching her arms and shivered in the cool night air. Jack still lay before her, his eyes not leaving the sky above, as if looking for something.

Eventually she left, the weekend started tomorrow and she and Rhys had it all planned.

They all had weekends planned, really. Helping a friend rebuild their fence, even just meeting with friends to cry over lost loved ones… All but Jack.

When they would return that Monday, Jack would look up from the Hub and grin, crack a bad joke, make fun of Owen… but never with the same grin as before, never the same horrid humor. Even Owen suffered less than before.

It didn't matter that he physically _couldn't_ die. Rose Tyler, who ever she was, took part of Jack with her that day.

fin


End file.
